Doc Byrne’s Translation Miscellany

Believing the technology hype…

These days it seems technology is everywhere. Just the other day, the bin in our local foodcourt, having been somehow instilled with a technological soul, thanked me for dumping my half-eaten cheeseburger into it.

Thank you for eating me. Sorry about the cholesterol!

Thank you for eating me. Sorry about the cholesterol!

I’ve always been a big believer in technology and there was a time when I would dump a perfectly good mobile phone because a newer, shinier one with more bells and whistles came out and I would buy gadgets just because they were new and revolutionary. I even taught myself MIDI programming because Roland launched a synthesiser that you could play with a guitar. The epitome of what industry types call an “early adopter” I was always first in line to try out some new piece of software or some such gizmo but lately I’ve found myself suffering from technology fatigue and I’m starting to question exactly how useful all of this technological gimmickry really is.

Although people seem to assume I do, I don’t have an iPhone or Blackberry  and have no plans on getting one because I really don’t need or want one (they’re far too trendy for my liking and I’m not that much of a sheep) and can’t be bothered learning how to use something that I’ll probably break and have to replace in 6 months anyway. I don’t use Twitter because I can’t see the point and if I’m honest, my ego doesn’t need that much of a boost and my stalker tendencies haven’t developed to that level yet (although I do use Facebook and Myspace, shame on me). I refuse to get a Sky+ box (Tivo for you Americans) although I did dabble with digital radio before it inexplicably died in a splutter of electronic epilepsy. I’m not sure whether my newly emerging Luddite nature is because I’m getting older (bah!) or because I’m getting cynical but either way I’m increasingly sceptical about gadgets billed as absolutely essential.

The proliferation of technology does seem pretty unstoppable in virtually every area of our lives and translation is no exception. We are constantly told that in order to keep up with the competition and attract those high-value projects we simply have to embrace ever more sophisticated technologies. Of course with a few exceptions, none of this technology comes cheap. But then again, if we are to believe the promises of increased productivity, improved quality and consistency, customer satisfaction, world peace and an end to hunger isn’t it worth it?

In translation, the mantra among those in the know is that nobody can realistically expect to work as a translator without technology. I’m a whole-hearted believer in this. I can’t imagine a translator not using a PC, not translating directly onto the screen by overwriting the source text). But is all this technology going too far? Lots of people I know hate translating with TM tools such as Trados or Deja Vu because it spoils the enjoyment of translating and if I’m honest, I’m not a big fan of translating with them either and there is at least one study that I know of which shows that TM tools can actually damage the quality of texts. There’s also the fact that I now automatically factor in an additional hour or two at the end of a translation project to fix whatever unforeseen and unpredictable calamity will invariably befall my leading tag-based translation memory tool. Terminology management tools, too, may be useful but unless someone sends you a ready-made database you can waste so much time creating one that it’s just not worth the effort. So for all the promises and hype, you have to wonder whether the technology really does help us as translators. I feel something of a hypocrite because I teach technologies to my students and hammer home the importance of it yet I have my misgivings about the tools.

TranslatorBot 3000™ - Upgrade Now!

TranslatorBot 3000™

The technology companies, however, seem desperate to try and fuel this obsession with technology by churning out update after update and new product after new product even if what they are offering doesn’t seem to really offer anything new, worthwhile or even useful. You get the impression that the people pushing for more technology in translation won’t be happy until they we’ve been turned into translating cyborgs, one and the same with our computers. But dig beneath the surface gloss and you’ll find that what they are offering in many cases is a way of dealing with the increased workload and problems which their products themselves have caused. Just look at some of the latest releases which were supposed to add new features but which have been so buggy that translator forums are filled with frustrated users’ stories and people are being advised to wait until a service pack is released.

Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that software and other types of technology are just tools. They are supposed to help you do something else. They’re a means to an end, not and end in themselves. You should only use something because you need to, because it will help you do your job better or more easily not because you think you should because of some mercurial promise of everlasting revenue by a software company. Buying something simply because it’s new or because the company makes a fuss over some new feature or other (possibly because they want to boost their cash-flow to see them through the recession and which in reality provides very little benefit to the ordinary translator) is a waste of time, money and precious sanity. The long and the short of this technology business is don’t believe the hype, do your research and buy what you need. And if you do need to indulge in frivolous purchases, buy a guitar, a vocoder,  a remote control helicopter or a robot.

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Home, sweet home

Okay so this has nothing to do with translation but after two weeks holiday with most of it spent back in my native Dublin, I’m back in the saddle and (nearly) ready to start work again. One thing that did occur to me is how much we tend to take our hometown for granted, often to the extent that it’s only when we return after an extended period of time away that we realise what a cool place it is. A lot of the time, tourists have a much better time in a city than its own residents because they actually get out there and do things. Sometimes I wonder whether people are afraid to have fun and whether they should take a day out to be a tourist in their own town. I mean, if people are prepared to to learn about other cultures,  countries and languages, then why not look closer to home once in a while?

The Samuel Beckett Bridge

The Samuel Beckett Bridge

Dublin has, over the past few years undergone some massive changes and seen some quite extraordinary additions to its inventory of “photographables” particularly in the Dockland such as the Samuel Beckett Bridge, the International Convention Centre and the newly rejuvenated Point Theatre (albeit with a truly rubbish name “The O2″ – a breath-taking combination of corporate egotism and atrocious marketing skills). There’s also the Spike, the river taxis on the Liffey, the Boardwalk, the refurbished Laughter Lounge (with its strict and oft-repeated no talking rule)  and various other cosmetic tweaks which I’m really starting to appreciate with my semi-tourist ex patriot eyes.

So with a new found respect and appreciation of my hometown I thought I’d post a list of some of my favourite Dublin gems just in case you’re a Dub and get the urge to do something different or, if you’re not from Dublin, you fancy visiting the place.

Things to do

Ghost Bus
Organised by Dublin Bus this is an excellent tour of Dublin at night and you’ll learn about some of the grislier aspects of its history. I’ve done it twice and it’s a hoot!

Viking Splash Tour
Put on your Viking horns and roar at passers-by as you tour Dublin on land and water in an amphibious vehicle.

Guinness Brewery Tour
An obligatory part of any trip to Dublin learn about our national drink before sampling some in the Gravity Bar some 40 metres above the city.

St. Michans Church
If you liked the Ghost Bus try visiting the crypt of this little church and see real mummified corpses. Ghoulish yet educational.

Royal Hospital Kilmainham
An old military hospital on the outskirts of the city centre. A bit of a hidden gem, the gardens are beautiful and great for a walk or to bring your own lunch. There’s also a modern art gallery for you arty types.

Kilmainham Gaol
A very important and historical site related to the Irish War of Independence – very atmospheric and one of the best tours in Dublin.

Pubs

No trip to Dublin would be complete without some sort of liquid refreshment and you won’t have to look hard to find a decent pub.  As long as you steer clear of the superpubs in Temple Bar you’ll be fine. Here are a couple to get you started…

The Stags Head
A proper Irish pub – not very big and it gets a little crowded at weekends but a good place for a pint and a chat.

Messers Maguire
Pub with its own microbrewery which brews its own beers and imitations of famous beers. There’s also a restaurant for that all important “soakage”. Can get quite busy at weekends though.

The Long Stone
Celtic/Viking-themed pub – not tacky, just a nice place for a drink with friends. A personal favourite.

The Laughter Lounge
The biggest and best comedy club in Dublin. They will irritate you with constant reminders not to talk during the performance but you’ll soon learn to tune it out.

Food

Bewleys Café
A Dublin institution! Brendan Behan and Patrick Kavanagh are some of its famous customers. Once found all over Dublin but now only in Grafton Street this place is great for breakfast or just to have a coffee and sticky bun while watching the world go by.

Thai Orchid
Central location, beautiful Thai food and great service. Nothing else to say except that this is my favourite restaurant in Dublin.

Music

Whelans
Forget all that pounding techno and nasty, made for tourists diddly-eye traditional music, this place is probably the the best live music venue in Dublin.

Vicar Street
A short 15 minute walk from the centre of Dublin this is a great venue for live music and shows.

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How to feel #?$*! great

Monkey's armpit book cover

Quite by coincidence and just days after reading an interesting book on swearing and insults a number of articles appeared in Irish newspapers explaining how swearing can actually help us cope better with pain. Researchers at Keele University found that when we swear, our tolerance to pain is greater than when we don’t swear. As a firm fan of creative swearing (not the dull, unimaginative football terraces variety) I’m quite pleased by this, especially when the researchers say that swearing helps to trigger a fight-or-flight response – you can’t get more natural than that can you?

So armed with this sense of vindication and the knowledge that swearing can actually make you feel better Robert Vanderplank’s book “Uglier Than a Monkey’s Armpit: Untranslatable Insults, Put-downs and Curses from Around the World” is especially enjoyable and fascinating. Anyone who speaks more than one language knows how swear words differ in their focus from language to language with different cultures being fixated on different things whether parts of the anatomy, religion, stupidity, parents or excreta. Vanderplank takes this even further and guides us from the ancient languages of yore right up to modern languages from around the world. Some of the insults, to be honest, really aren’t that insulting and some languages clearly don’t put much effort into insults or swearing. Having said that, some are really bad. Shocking even, in a way which demands admiration and respect. The book also includes some useful pronunciation guides which would suggest that it is more than just an interesting collection of profane curios – you’re meant to try them out!

From the cover: “Whether borne out of surprise, anger, passion or humour, curses and insults make up some of the most colourful and profound phrases in a language, offering insight into cultural mores and a greater understanding of the most fundamental social and personal taboos. Organized by language for an overview of each culture’s favoured profanities, this beautifully illustrated volume – put together by language experts from around the world – is an essential reference to the brilliantly inventive, funny, scorchingly insulting words you won’t learn in a language class.”

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Translation keeps you guessing

I’ve been looking through my archive of previous translations today and spent a while reminiscing and reflecting on some of the weird, wonderful, interesting, fun and downright bizarre texts I have translated over the years. This was triggered by a recent text I had which was by a medical devices company who has a nice little sideline in the weapons industry. I’m no ethics expert but I wondered whether there might be a conflict of interest there. It reminded me a bit of a shop I saw in some rural part of Ireland several years ago that was divided into three “departments”: a pub (which also sold groceries – it’s an Irish thing apparently), a car showroom and an undertakers. The basic business model seemed to be “We’ll get you drunk, put you in a car and when you wrap yourself around a lamp post we’ll box and bury you” (I always wondered if they had a loyalty card).

Cutting out the middle man

Cutting out the middle man

Okay I’m rambling now. But this was by no means the strangest text or client I’ve had to deal with over the years. There was the conference paper on teabags which talked about the history and development of teabags and the different designs and their relative pros and cons. Thanks to that text I’m now au fait with the thermodynamics of teabags and can explain how they stick the bags together without using glue. Then there was the lingerie catalogue. The less said about that one the better – let’s just say there’s an awful lot of specialised terminology going on there and my poor mother didn’t know what to think when I asked what a “gusset” was. If you’ve ever seen that episode of Father Ted in the lingerie department you’ll have some idea of my predicament.

A Really Really Complicated Marvel of Modern Engineering

A Really Really Complicated Marvel of Modern Engineering

Just as surreal was the article I was asked to translate on the mating habits of parrots. I try not to think too much about this one because it was just too disturbing – the thought of parrots listening to Barry White as they get jiggy with it makes me feel more than a little bit queasy. I did find out though that parrots, for some reason, are something of an exception when it comes to scientific nomenclatures as they have different Latin names in different countries. I do know that if I ever need a change of career, I can set up as a marriage guidance counsellor for parrots; a Dr Ruth for our feathered friends.

Joking aside, I have translated texts on quite serious issues. Like the text I translated about the Aral Sea when I found out how ill-advised Soviet irrigation plans have transformed what was once the fourth largest inland saline water body into a vast expanse of desert. As a translator I’ve been privy to the details of nasty divorces, felt a tear in my eye as I translated the power of attorney for a woman who had developed Alzheimer’s and was no longer able to care for herself, then I cheered as I translated the extradition papers for two drug smugglers who were caught red-handed by the coastguard with half a ton of heroin when their boat ran out of fuel. There was also the cloak-and-dagger lawsuit where, for legal reasons, the texts couldn’t be translated by anyone in the US, nothing could be sent by email, only via secure off-shore servers. It turns out that the client had paid a company to build a state-of-the-art manufacturing plant but due to unbelievable incompetence had been left with a multi-million dollar cowshed which was dangerous, over budget, late and utterly useless. The impression I got was that the builder was something of a Basil Fawlty with a cement mixer but I’ll say no more in case “they” are reading.

Get a room!

Get a room!

There have been so many cases where I’ve nearly fallen off my chair with either shock or laughter that I couldn’t possibly list even a fraction of them here. All in all, working as a translator has been great fun and incredibly educational. And what’s more I get paid for it. While I might sometimes complain about the pay and conditions and what not, translation has never been boring and it means I’m a bit of a whizz when it comes to pub quizzes. I love the fact that, even if you specialise in a particular area, you never know what is going to land in your inbox. I do wonder though, exactly how weird and wonderful translation jobs can get so feel free to share the weirdest translation job you’ve ever had.

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Fool me once, shame on you…

The issue of professional translators providing their services for free has once again reared its ugly, miserable, penny-pinching head again. Some time ago I wrote about a job posting on Proz asking for a specialised text to be translated for free. Now, according to an article in the New York Times, the professional networking website, LinkedIn, has asked it’s translator members whether they would be interested in volunteering their services to localise the LinkedIn website. Yes, you heard right.  A professional website aimed at professional service providers is asking it’s fee paying members to provide services for free.

I’ve never made a secret of the fact that translators are sometimes their own worst enemy when it comes to professional recognition. We translators regularly complain that we do not get the professional recognition we deserve and that the money we make is not commensurate with the amount of effort, training and commitment required to be a translator. This, as I’ve said before, is largely due to translators not standing up for themselves and for charlatans working for peanuts. But companies who are prepared to take advantage of translators and employ “yellow pack“, bargain-basement translators are every bit to blame. So it’s hardly a surprise that I’m not impressed by LinkedIn’s new venture.

Of course translation has its moments but the bunch of bananas at the end of the week makes it all worthwhile

"Sure, translation has its challenges but the plentiful supply of bananas and the chance to play on a tyre swing make it all worthwhile".

But hold on a minute, I’m detecting the slight whiff of hypocrisy here. Why have I never complained about Facebook’s foray into crowd-sourcing? Or Wikipedia for that matter? Like LinkedIn, Facebook asked it’s members to band together and translate their website into various languages for free. LinkedIn were even promising to credit the translators who volunteered so it’s not like the translators weren’t getting something out of it. But the reason I didn’t have a problem with Facebook is because it, like Wikipedia is a kind of hobby or recreational site and much like Wikipedia, they don’t really have a business model with which to make vast sums of money (if you’re interested in how web companies like the mighty Google make their money try reading “The Google Story“).

On top of this, the Facebook translation project was just an excuse to get users involved in the website – it wasn’t an excuse to save a few bucks. In fact the way Facebook went about localising its site ultimately proved more expensive than if they had just gone to professional translators in the first place (they had a review system for translations and even got professional translators to translate the strings “just in case”).

But the LinkedIn case is different from what I can make out. They are supposedly a professional site aimed at promoting professional relationships and respecting its members. They also charge their members a lot of money for their premium services. Would LinkedIn have asked its graphic designer members to design a new logo for free? Would they have asked members who are website designers to redesign the website for free? Would they have asked caterers to come around and stock the LinkedIn canteen with food for free? Unlikely to say the least. Yet somehow they felt comfortable asking the translators to give them a freebie. Maybe they have a point, after all we are just trained monkeys who speak a couple of languages real good.

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